Should be more grateful

 Bismillah ! Assalamualaikum nobody haha. Today I feel like isolating myself in my bedroom all day all night. After the conversation I had with A6 last night about body odour, I just couldn't think straight and my confidence level getting lower and lower. Ever since I met him, there's always something I need to change about myself. It's for my own good definitely, because it will make me change to be a better person. But I just feel overwhelmed at the moment because while sruggling to change one thing, I need to think about another thing. Haha. It's definitely my fault for not caring much about myself all these years. All I think about is food and I let myself fat and not caring about appearance much. 

After last night's conversation with him, I started overthinking and I made an assumption that he won't like me when we meet each other one day and he will be turned off and will reject me and gosh this feeling of uncertainty sucks man. Now I understand why marriage is not for me.( maybe forever). I'm physically flawed guys ! Wait not just physical, mental too lol.

- I have eczema which is forever 

- I have asthma

- My skin is not pretty 

- I'm at least 20kg overweight 

- No sense of fashion 

- Not wearing make up, so I look dull 

Can I just stop there because I'm gonna start crying. 

Feels like instead of preparing myself for marriage, I need to learn to fix and love myself first. Because damn. I really hate me right now. 

Hope this is just a one suck day because holiday is gonna end soon and I don't wanna spend the next days feeling miserable la weh. 

Bie