Happy for others
For the longest time, I punished myself for the decision I made 8 years ago. Whenever I feel like a failure (which is most of the time), I would connect it to the 'bad' decision I did, and felt worse. It's been so long and I feel emotionally drained and exhausted.
Here's what happened yesterday. Because of that one person's one small sentence, I was not in the mood the whole day. I kept quiet the whole time and just 'indulge' in self-pity, self-hatred and self-sabotage. I was angry that the person made me feel this way. But I was angrier that I let my one-day happiness defined by that one single comment.
And then something striked into my mind. "Maybe I'm focusing too much on myself". I spent years trying to heal my inner self, pujuk myself, trying to make myself feel better, trying to make my everyday happy, cuz everyone kept saying change yourself before you change others.
But you know what ? It's been freaking 8 years and I am nowhere near to healing so I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna stop amplifying my focus on myself. I'm gonna stop pitying myself for the situation I'm in, for the goals I didn't achieve, for the habits I never get to stick. I'm gonna stop trying to make myself happy anymore. I'm done.
Instead, I'm gonna be happy for others. Be happy for their achievements, be touched for the things they did, and be there and actually give a round of applause for their success ( and not cry myself to sleep for not being as successful as them).
If I can't be the speaker who speaks in front of thousands of people, I'll just be one of the people who listens.
If I can't become the published writer, I'll support other writers and give good reviews for the book they wrote.
If I can't become a billionaire and help others, I'll be grateful for the help I get.
If I can't be an inspiration, let me just be a lesson.
If I can't be successful, I'll be content being a proud failure.
And I'm gonna start now. In no particular order, I'm happy for akak aka @pakistandarimatamelayu for writing her very first book. It's still in the editing process, but I'm happy for her. I'm happy for abah's achievement of losing 3kilos last January. I saw how consistent he was in taking care of his diet and so happy that he made it. I'm proud of Faris for maintaining great results. Dean's list all the way. Mama currently plays Jewelking and she already passed 1000th level and I'm proud of her persistent. I'm happy for Sajat, because he was invited to become Allah's guest. I'm also happy for Aida Azlin, for launching a podcast. I finally installed Spotify and it's all because of her.
Love,
Bie
Here's what happened yesterday. Because of that one person's one small sentence, I was not in the mood the whole day. I kept quiet the whole time and just 'indulge' in self-pity, self-hatred and self-sabotage. I was angry that the person made me feel this way. But I was angrier that I let my one-day happiness defined by that one single comment.
And then something striked into my mind. "Maybe I'm focusing too much on myself". I spent years trying to heal my inner self, pujuk myself, trying to make myself feel better, trying to make my everyday happy, cuz everyone kept saying change yourself before you change others.
But you know what ? It's been freaking 8 years and I am nowhere near to healing so I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna stop amplifying my focus on myself. I'm gonna stop pitying myself for the situation I'm in, for the goals I didn't achieve, for the habits I never get to stick. I'm gonna stop trying to make myself happy anymore. I'm done.
Instead, I'm gonna be happy for others. Be happy for their achievements, be touched for the things they did, and be there and actually give a round of applause for their success ( and not cry myself to sleep for not being as successful as them).
If I can't be the speaker who speaks in front of thousands of people, I'll just be one of the people who listens.
If I can't become the published writer, I'll support other writers and give good reviews for the book they wrote.
If I can't become a billionaire and help others, I'll be grateful for the help I get.
If I can't be an inspiration, let me just be a lesson.
If I can't be successful, I'll be content being a proud failure.
And I'm gonna start now. In no particular order, I'm happy for akak aka @pakistandarimatamelayu for writing her very first book. It's still in the editing process, but I'm happy for her. I'm happy for abah's achievement of losing 3kilos last January. I saw how consistent he was in taking care of his diet and so happy that he made it. I'm proud of Faris for maintaining great results. Dean's list all the way. Mama currently plays Jewelking and she already passed 1000th level and I'm proud of her persistent. I'm happy for Sajat, because he was invited to become Allah's guest. I'm also happy for Aida Azlin, for launching a podcast. I finally installed Spotify and it's all because of her.
Love,
Bie
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